Does selfishness lead to happiness?

2026 Day 184. #PersonalDays.

In our 20s, a lot of us have very little obligation to think about the long term happiness and well being of others. Our parents were around for large part of our lives but suddenly we are navigating everything on our own. We do not have any kids at the moment and while we may have a romantic partner, marriage is not on the cards.

With no real commitments to anyone it is easy to fall into a habit of putting yourself first. You could choose going to bed early, or extremely late, you could go to a party or the gym, you could eat healthy or just about whatever, but you have the freedom to do and choose what you want for the large part. No matter what choices you make, as long as you make them consciously, you will feel happier for having made them.

If your ideas and plans are different from that of your immediate group, you might feel suddenly distanced. If everyone likes to go on a run in the morning but you prefer to work late nights, your social life can take a hit. Social happiness also brings life to your years.

But which happiness should you prioritise?

Could you not, find people who have similar habits as you? It will let you keep your habits while building strong social bonds at the same time.

The sense of losing your old friends and the feeling that “I have changed” might affect you, but is this not what growing up is?

Have all of us not changed throughout life?

If you could remember who you were as a 10 year old, would you not say that you are a drastically different person? If you have not grown (or changed) since then, you might want to look deeper within to answer why.

The idea is not here to abandon old friends, adopt new habits and make new friends. It is to pursue whatever makes you happy, selfishly. Choose things, make plans, enjoy, but put yourself first.

Do not let go of the people around you just to make space for something more. First, bring something worth making space for.

People are important and they could be the exact ones who provide you feedback, help restrain you when you are taking too much risk, or provide a cushion for small failures. But in the interest of you, you will have to give yourself priority.

The fear that stops most of us is that we feel we are abandoning a life that we currently have. Call it the sunken cost fallacy, or the loss aversion from prospect theory, but we like things to be how they are. If anything needs to happen it must be an add on, but we largely want the same life.

We like to read stories of successful people and try to imagine what they did so that we could replicate their actions and eventually replicating the success. These stories often overlook the time spent between the person and their dream over anything else.

The sacrifice that people often talk about was not an easy choice to make. It was even harder to keep committed to it during hard times. You could be giving up a lot more than just friends and family, it could also be your physical and mental health.

To prepare yourself for making this sacrifice you must be a little selfish. You must believe in your dream and your work so much that everything else pales in comparison. The social parties you skip, the important events you barely attend, are all worth ignoring for your dream. Selfishness will help you place a sense of great importance in the work that you are doing.

This importance might be greater than what it deserves. Ideas are all around, execution is limited, and success is only for the chosen few. Thus the path to success is not easy and not even guaranteed, so what could possibly motivate you to take it besides narcissism and selfishness?

A little bit of selfishness in your daily lives could also add little bouts of happiness.

I have adopted a simple strategy of selfishness. The first person I want to see happy is myself. I cannot lift the mood of others around me if I am unhappy. So I firstly invest in myself, time and attention. I need to feel excited for whatever lies ahead. When I am excited, I take charge, and I (try) to make people as excited as me.

If I am not truly excited, I take a back seat and led others take charge. Leading people is hard, and even more so when you’re doing it unwillingly. By selfishly placing myself at the front of the group when I am excited and at the back when I am not, I announce the role I am going to play, an energetic leader, or the lazy compliant.

Leading is hard, even harder when you are not up for it. It is good to recognise your wants and needs, put them first to make the decisions that you need to make.

The path of selfishness is hard to follow. It is also difficult to balance it with the good in your. Become too selfish and people will abandon you before you abandon them. Become too selfless and you might find yourself without any personal goals or achievement.

Whether I frame it as selfishness or ‘putting yourself first’, it is an important skill that all of us should learn and understand how to use.

See you tomorrow.